1. |
Tu Sei Amo
02:17
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15 inches of rain
Pours out of
First the sky, then
The gutter
Another round to wash away
The memories of when we were
Defenseless,
Dependent,
Alone.
Cross fade and
Fade away
We take the
Revolving door
But not a long drive passes
Nor a prolonged silence
That I can't hear your voice...
Turn up the radio
Put on something sad and
Slow
Tu sei amo
And maybe we'll see you again?
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2. |
Tuesdays
03:07
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Summon memory
Cigs were exciting
My tragic daily stop at the smoke shop
Now is all a chore
On the way to work
Inhaled metered dose
Always feeling close
To another coughing fit
Dancing with death
It doesn't feel the same
I feel less ashamed and more afraid
If you cut out the context
I could be everything I want to be without it
Last time I tried to quit
I wore a patch
And swore that would be it
It's so easy to forget
One phone call from a friend
Lets me know that you were dead
We drank that night between
Smokes, chokes, reveries,
And disbelief
It doesn't feel the same
I feel less ashamed and more afraid.
I remember when your sister said
Tears streaming down her face
Straight into your casket
"Thank you for always being such a good friend to her"
I'll let my tears collide with tin roofs
On the way down
And scream it out
Loud
Here's three cheers to a bygone
Era and time
When you were more than just a
Fragment in my mind
Every day you seem further away
Save for photos and tapes
We were drunk walking home from the Southside
Did a dare or two and laughed off the night
Wrote it off
As if we had another million Tuesdays
And the rest of our lives
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3. |
Shoebox
04:01
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I'm coming up
Like a science, it's
Two waters
A coffee
A whiskey
I'm coming up
The more it hurts later
The better I feel
And, oh, does it hurt
Just a bit of weed
Will get me the six hours
I need to do it all again
When I wake up
Every time I wake up
I cough at least
Seven times
Is this pathetic to you?
Honest and true, I wish
It had been
Me instead of you
Could I honestly build you up
With our best year's memories all
Drank and smoked away?
They're fading fast
But palpably like the
Last image on an
Analogue screen
As it shuts off
They're fading fast
Now I'll chase the sun out
West
And keep your photographs
With the rest
In a shoebox
I couldn't bear
To let you know
I forgot
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4. |
The Sound of Rain
03:03
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We spin our stories
Soaked in PBR and
Whiskey shots
Drinking beer in styrofoam
Cups in the parking lot
Smiling through tartared teeth
I'm a wreck
I need the morning light
I need the Christmas tree
I need the million little things
That I left behind
Waiting
For nothing
But, now my words become ash
My plans lie dead conceived
You look to me like I've got
Something figured out
But baby, I've got
Nothing
The dishes done, the dog is fed,
Laundry folded, you safe in bed
The necklace, draped across your neck
The pendant falls on your midchest
I'm asking, "Do you feel it yet?"
Lord knows I try
And reconcile what's done and what's been said
And I have become the living dead
Has it become obvious yet
That I am a wreck?
I play my part, I can maintain
The months are days, the sound of rain
Is miles away, my canteen's dry
My legs, dead weight
But, I can forgive
I can forget
As soon as I am lying
And my friends are all surrounding me
With love and
Whiskey
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5. |
Someday
04:47
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Slow down
Start from the top and leave
Nothing out
When it comes to hurt, I want it
All now
Last chance for your worst
Suffer
My friends say, "Yeah, I get you
"Love her,
"But she'll do this over
"And over
"How much can you take?"
I have
Been checking your phone bills
It's sad
Maintaining a police state
But can
You blame me for that?
Someday
I will grow out of feeling
This way
And I don't think that I am
Insane
To believe it
Someday
You'll love me completely; until then
I'll stay
Complicit and patient; I'll be in
Arms reach
Lying close to you
Oh, close to you
Close to you
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6. |
Recovery
02:50
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Try to remember I'm happy
And the whole entire world
Ain't out to get me in my sleep
Wait for this cycle to repeat
I won't feel disconnected, nor obsolete
No, not this week
I'll call an old friend and I'll pretend
That I've got this
I won't hide away
Behind video games or TV or whiskey
(2, 3, 4, pull yourself up off the floor)
I will not try
To obsess over every slight this time
(2, 3, 4, you are worth so much more)
Anticipatory recovery...
I don't know how to feel good
I just know how to get fucked up
I need to stop
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7. |
Christmas in July
04:22
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When I dream of you
I know that it will
Catch me off my guard
Blindsided at the hike
Take my breath, break a rib
When you were just a boy
Oh, maybe five or six
Wait at the door
And hug me at my hips
I'll pick you up, spin around
I'll teach you how to cook
And how to hold a pick
And talk to girls
And you could teach me
To be happy
Your mom and I, you know
That we love you so
These tears, this song
Are for you, sunny
Oh, can't you stay?
Just don't think bad of me
Languishing for weeks
And smoking weed
And doing as I please
And waking up a desert
I would cut my hair
I'd fast for forty days
Quit sex and cigarettes
Cold turkey
If it could bring you back
My heart lies
In the arboretum of Peace Park
Buried with the trees
Your heart lies
Somewhere deep within mine
Where it always sleeps
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8. |
In Bloom
05:02
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A million little leaves like
Emeralds spin
Individually
Cover with snow
Insulated, warm
Gestating for Spring
Someday I will understand these things
And you will fit back in the crook of my shoulder
And everything will be
Warm
Someday you will understand
Everyone will understand
Lord, thy kingdom come
Every cigarette's already ash
Everything will sink back to the earth
But not today
You feel natural from across the kitchen
With a glass of wine
Watching crime dramas
In pajamas getting
Just high as hell
This is where I'm supposed to be
In bloom...
I can be it all
I must be it all
I will be it all
I can forgive, I can forget
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9. |
Epilogue
03:56
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I'm at the city again at the end
The end of Cartel
The end of the world
A cappuccino sipped
Basilica stairs
We looked up again and said
"Give it five years"
We drove down Cote Brilliante
Past your old house with a new
Privacy fence
I've watched it all
Decay out from under your feet
And mine, but more slowly
If only...
Say goodbye
To railroad tracks
Say goodbye
To a novel life
It all fades into a single memory
That says these times I can't remember are
Killing me
McNally's, Eastside
Social Room, The Shot Bar
The living room floor
Was it two years? Five?
Tuesday night?
Does it take just one more time?
Sold all my life for one last time
One last chance to end things right
I've been living my epilogue
Since 2014
There's no adventure left for me.
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